Garnished with spice

“You’ve changed”, said Maanya.

“Change is natural Mane…”, said Ashok, stopping in mid-sentence, wondering if he still had the right to call her that.

Ashok looked at Maanya searching for an answer. Maanya looked fixedly at the traffic.
Her thoughts drifted back almost 2 decades when he’d first taken the liberty to call her that. From then until now, Maanya allowed no one else to call her Mane. Hearing him call her “Mane”, brought back memories from a time when she was a child. Memories that she wanted desperately to forget.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have…..”, said Ashok.

Maanya looked at Ashok, properly for the first time since they met on the crowded street. He wore spectacles now. Maanya remembered the number of times she had told him to get rid of the contact lenses he wore.

“You’re wearing specs”, she said.
“Yes, someone convinced me to do it”

Maanya was hurt by the realization that in the past few years, someone else had come and had made him switch to glasses, that in the years that had gone by, someone affected him much more than herself.

Ashok realized almost immediately that his words could have been mistaken.
“No, it’s not what you think”.

“When has it ever been what I think?”

Ashok winced. She hadn’t forgotten. How could she? It wasn’t a trivial issue. He’d kept her in the dark for many years. He’d never explained himself. Maanya was still in the dark. It made everything complicated. 4 years ago, they’d departed on this very street. Maanya realized that she had been deceived. She had vowed never to speak to him again. She never had. He’d tried to meet her, get her to talk to him. The only thing that would have got Maanya to talk to him was the truth. The truth was all a lie. Ashok couldn’t tell her.

“When has it ever been what I think?”, Maanya repeated.

Ashok knew that he heard her voice shiver. He saw her hands shiver. He missed her. The way she spoke animatedly. The way she looked away when she was guilty, the way she looked straight at someone’s eyes when she wanted them to speak out the truth, the way she tried hard not to let her eyes show any emotion and the way her smile and dimple betrayed everything her eyes tried to hide. He missed her and sometimes had contemplated coming clean. But she would never understand. There were worse things than her not understanding.

“Mane, would you believe me if I told you that there’s nothing I’ve done with the intention of harming you. ?”

“I would. But the harm’s been done. I’m sorry I came back looking for an explanation. I’m sorry that I found it in me to think that there could be a rational explanation for what happened. I’m sorry you never found it in yourself to trust me enough. I think it’s best if we parted ways, forever”


Years ago, when he had been recruited in the intelligence agency, they’d taken him because he had no relationships, no involvements and therefore had no liabilities. No one could hold anyone to ransom. He was therefore unshakeable and unbreakable. Before long, the pressure had got to him and he needed someone to be by him. He had found Maanya. He couldn’t tell Maanya the truth because there were worse things than her not understanding- death, for instance.


“Goodbye, dad. This will be the last time we meet”. Maanya turned around with tears in her eyes, and walked away.

Ashok looked on, as he saw his adopted daughter walk out of his life forever.



THE END